You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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