Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm going to jail i love you
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
