I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize