I heard we made out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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