1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
