Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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