I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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