I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
