I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She even gives head with a lisp.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
