In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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