lets start a swedish sibling band together
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
