I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
