Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
