It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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