the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
