please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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