There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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