nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
