You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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