I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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