Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Mom said you looked used
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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