I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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