so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
