I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
