Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
