Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
