break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
