wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
