Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
