I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
