It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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