Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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