Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
