Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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