Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
