I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
