Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
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