Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
