I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize