You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
