They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
