I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
