He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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