By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
