i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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