Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
