you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
