We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
