Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
