my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
