That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
