I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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