Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
