im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
