I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
