Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize