I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
