I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
