So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
