Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
