feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
