i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
