I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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