Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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