Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
