I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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