I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
