just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm too high and old for this...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
