am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
