just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
