The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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