When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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