I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
