guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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